I, myself, have not been a big fan of titles for a while now. Kind of like many others in the world, a traditional relationship just doesn’t sound like something substantial for me and it really has lost its value over time. Two of my greatest relationships never had titles but there was no one in the world I would have rather been with other than those men. They knew me better than anyone. They showed their love through everything they did for me but we had the freedom to see other people if we chose to. Sounds like a mess right? WRONG! I had never been in more secured relationships. We were so solid in what we had. Our bonds were tight. You say this sounds like a relationship but our super cool millennial generation went and coined the name “situationship” for the types of relationships I like.
Tradition is a thing of the past for me but a clear situation that gives me the companionship of a relationship is all I need. I know someone reading this is wondering why I’m selling myself so short. Well…I don’t think I am. I just have my own preferences. There is a freedom that comes along with situationships that I feel isn’t there when you’re chasing after a traditional happy ending. In more traditional relationships compromise sometimes gets clouded and becomes total confirmation. The last time I did that I lost my shit so badly I ended up on a stress unit for my mental health. That’s an entirely different article honey! But I made myself a promise that I can’t be what someone else wants me to be just to be with that person. My happiness comes from my right to choose what I want for myself. So, think what you want but this is the most secure I’ve been in myself in years. I’m a big fan of situationships. I have my reasons. Here’s four…
Reason #1: There’s love and then there’s lifestyle. Lifestyle for the win!
The idea of love sounds cute and cuddly but I am in need of more security. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t want love but love is the end result to me. I need the things that will make me love you first. I prefer the man who is creating a lifestyle for me more than telling me how much he loves me. You know the age-old saying “actions speak louder than words.” To create a lifestyle means some actions have to be implemented. A real man does not need a title to do what he must do to have the woman he wants. “He who puts forth the action is showing his love and loyalty for me.” – Jess Chapter 1 Verse 3. Did you catch that word right there?These are my priorities more than what I call a person. Give me the lifestyle I desire, and I have all that I need.
Reason #2: What I need from you is understanding…not another half-assed commitment.
I look at some folks and they seem so obsessed with getting a commitment. But my question is what does the commitment commit one to? I do not like the word ‘commit’ anymore. I’m far more solid with a clear understanding with the person I’m dealing with. See, in a good situationship, all flaws are put out on the table from the jump. Expectations are made clear from day 1. Boundaries are comfortably set and both parties agree to the terms. I feel like when a person is determined to have a relationship, people misrepresent themselves. In a situation, you get what you get, and you have your choice to deal with it or not. When you want a relationship bad enough, you’ll do whatever it takes to be the chosen one. I lose track of all the people I hear in these pseudo-relationships saying things like “He just doesn’t get me at all” or “I don’t know why she’s tripping. I thought we had an understanding”. I never had these issues in the types of relationships I involve myself with. We were always clear on were we stood. So we were able to spend a lot more of our time having fun instead of arguing over a misunderstanding.
Reason #3: I refuse to be a wife before marriage.
I don’t say this to offend any woman, but we women have this auditioning for a spot in a man’s life way too bad. We get so desperate to be claimed that we start doing all these wifely duties just to get picked. NOT ME! I can only say ‘not me’ because it’s been me before. I refuse to go back to those days. I noticed that I attract more men when I make it clear they will have to earn my energy. I don’t just give my shit away anymore. I learned through trial and lots of stupid errors that a man has much more respect for a woman who stands on her own. This is when setting boundaries become your best friend. I feel situationships give the space to create those boundaries more safely. Even if a relationship is your goal, not to take this thing all biblical but something that women need to remind themselves of is what the Good Book says, “HE who finds a wife finds a good thing.” So here’s the deal; he’s got to find you, court you, try for you, create safe space for you and then you do the wife thing. Well after a question proposing to change your name of course!
And my last reason….
Reason #4: Men marry but date anyway.
Here’s another reason I prefer situationships. Some men are still a little doggish out here. There are unfortunately too many men getting married or getting in committed relationships but still dating who they want. And in 2021 you better believe there are plenty of women down for the side chick role. This is why I like to stay one step ahead. In the situations I get in I can’t get played. While the majority of men out here are still having their cake and eating it too, I’ll be over here moving to the beat of my own drum until I meet someone that’s stepping to the same rhythm.
We’ve made it to the end, and you may be thinking that I am even crazier now than when I started writing this. You may feel I’m crazy for thinking, feeling, and moving in the ways that I do. Not that I give a damn. Hell, I am crazy. Crazy about myself. Crazy about my happiness. Crazy about my peace. So I’ll stick to what feels good to me even if it’s not the most favored. I know situationships are not for everyone but have an open mind to those who prefer them. I want my say so in how I’m treated, and my situations allow me that freedom. So yes! Situationships for the WIN!
Photo Credit: Manyuira, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons